I am in that stage of life where starting a task can be excruciatingly difficult. I know that I want to accomplish it, but I make every effort to avoid confronting the work to start it. I get caught up in the worries and anxieties, thinking that unless it is done to a higher standard, what purpose is there in striving to complete it at all?
I think this is me, performing in my own flesh. At other times, when I open myself to the Lord’s care, and to His divine guidance, the task before me, whatever it may be, becomes doable. I find the ability to do it not in my own power, but in His. In those instances, I feel His divine care guiding me, and it gives me hope and confidence I am in His will.
I don’t want to be anywhere else but there. Is there any better place to be? Than to know that the Lord is guiding me, that what I am doing is pleasing to Him? I rue the day I waste! I feel horrible if I stray. In my delicate, vulnerable livinghood, I’m in that place where each day is precious, one I cannot get back.
But the best life is one lived in the love of God. To live wholesomely, roundly, fully fleshed out and bare before Him. Let all my full mistakes be before Jesus. Let me be a whole man before Him, broken as I am, imperfect, failed, failing, fallen. Loved.
Each day, this day—is a reward. I’m so susceptible to brokenness, so weak. If my tap runs water, if I have a shoe that fits, if there is a cheese stick in my fridge to eat—what a celebration! It’s the little things that break me, or propel me toward praise.
If they propel toward praise, then even having a small glass in the house to hold water may be the difference in me writing for Him. If I recognize that fixing myself a cup of coffee is extremely good, and something I do not deserve—then in that gratitude, I feel motivated toward praise.
Praise to do work for Him. Praise to complete the tasks He’s given me this day to complete. Praise to fellowship with Him in how I orientate my efforts, sweeping the floor, cleaning the mirror, washing the dishes in the sink. I am a poor example of someone who can go there boldly. But, today… if I go anywhere, I go in His love.
The difficult thing is that I want my actions to count for something. I don’t want to live out my agenda, or exert a plan that benefits me; I want to follow Jesus, to make each thing I do count. I’m learning that if I pray, and read His Word, and fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ, it will help me discern what truly glorifies Him.
May today be a day where I move toward God, toward His home.
A Brave New Heaven 